What Can I Do To Help…

It is tiring to listen to the prating of middle aged and old men fretting over the decline of their assorted nation states. Wether that decline is through the attrition of immigration, eroded sovereignty, leftism or the soaring costs of masturbation. It is all fantasy with no basis in reality. These mindless wankers see a changing world that has a few differences from when they were boys and suddenly “The fucking sky is falling!”

Since humanity first fell out of the tree and thought “Hey, its not so bad down here” it has wandered over to the next hill and ,true, in some cases, fought with the tossers there. In other cases stopped had affairs made babies moved on or hung out with their new families. It is the very essence of how we survive as a species, grow, intermingle, develop and evolve, its fucking marvelously simple. Whether you want to believe it or not it is still happening, change is the bread and butter of our survival.

As for sovereignty who gives a damn? Tradition is not law it is just habit and very often a bad habit. Read the histories of just the last five hundred years and see how bloody the world was as each cringing coward hid behind borders and sovereignty. How much more can we achieve if arm in arm we hang out with the French, The Dutch the Cambodians the Chinese and the Americans?

Open floodgates are scary for those not prepared to let levels find themselves. Yes I know that change can seem chaotic especially when your cheeseburger joint is replaced by an Indian restaurant but lets face it curry is fantastic.

Now to be all hippy, which I never really was, we all came from that small African family just a few weeks back now, we are all brothers and sisters, in-laws and cousins; what can I do to help you cousin…and what can you do to help me.

Curds or Cheddar?

Who really cares about the recent “elbowgate” in parliament? It is a storm in a teacup that should be ignored. Sure its conduct unbecoming for which we have received an apology.However, t as a wiseman I know said elbowing in Hokey is a two minute penalty not a week long diatribe by every internet troll and worthless newspaper this country can dredge up. MP’s across the world in assorted parliaments have done the same and worse. Hesaltine in the UK parliament back in the 70’s for example: enraged by the socialist opposition he leapt from his seat grabbed started the Mace and began wielding it like some kind of Neanderthal club; this to name but one such incident. The Turkish parliament frequently erupts into mass brawls and so on. Get over it there are more important fish to fry. You have your chink in Trudeau’s armor dont wank it till it bleeds save it for the next election. . .which I am sure the attack ads are already on the storyboards. Grow up it was funny at the time but lets move on. We still have not decided if Poutine should be served with curds or cheddar yet…cheddar!

Happy Birthday Geoff

My brother Geoff died too young, 39, back in the dismal days of the nineties when we still had dismal TV, appalling internet and Margaret Thatcher roamed the land. Every time I think of him, which seems to be a lot, I dont see the poor wheel chair bound cancer ridden brother whispering to me he could not bear the suffering much longer. I see the brother I conquered dragons with or faced down the countless evil foes that rummaged through our park. I see the skinny kid I stuck in goal so that I could pound footballs at. I see the brother I got drunk with trekked around the country with, suffered exposure with, paraded around London with…see the kid I grew up with.

Then yesterday, his birthday, I realised that if he had lived he would be almost as old as I am now nearly as cranky,  a shade less wise than me 🙂 It was a shock it was an affront to the PeterPan image I have of him.

Either way he is my brother and I miss him terribly.

Fair To Say.

There is the left wing and the right wing of opinion and both believe they are the only solution to all that ails the world. This is a fair statement, I think?

Thinking here; please excuse the pause…would it be fair to say then that when the right wing holds the keys to office they do all that they can to diminish all that the left wing has instigated, this either directly of via contrary legislation? The same can also be said of the left wing and, like the right, they consider only the people in their camps. This, of course, is no great revelation most of you have worked this one out.

With this in mind would it also be fair to say that this adversarial version of politics is counter productive?

So, would it be fair to say that come election time it is pretty stupid to promote this system from one stand point or another?

Once again with all the above in mind would it be fair to suggest that we should find an alternative? A definition of stupidity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result every time. Well, if it is not then it should be.

How do we go about this massive change in thinking? Easy, look around you and see what does work. Let us look at a factory say. It needs owners, investors, managers and workers without one or the other the factory would shut down. It follows, therefore, that one section should always look after and respect the other. This is real common sense not the kind of nonsense prated loudly these days. Put it this way I am quite likely to do anything for a boss that would do anything for me. (Get your minds out of the gutter) Its called you scratch my back and I will scratch yours. I would do anything to help a neighbour if I knew they would help me when ever I called.

Government is not a machine devised to make a profit, government is there to help and support all of its citizens whether they be employees or employers. Compile laws and practices derived from both the left and the right thus harnessing all aspects of society and finally start society traveling forward, for a change.

This current federal government is the first office, in my experience, to ever attempt this and they are not doing too badly so far. Would it be fair to say that?

It is also fair to say that you should think skeptically about everything, dont run off at the mouth just because something sounds good. Always ask your self is it fair to say?

Important Issues.

Important issues on the horizon 1) Who will be President of the U.S. and 2) who will lead the Canadian Conservative party.

My picks are: Hilary Clinton for President because not even the normally insane Americans are stupid enough to put an idiot like Trump into the Whitehouse. Hear that America! You dont have to be that stupid.

And for leader of the Canadian Conservatives Lisa Raitt,  because to break away from the stagnancy effected by Stephen Harper the Conservatives will need someone with glitter enough to oppose The Liberal’s Justin Trudeau.

Mind you I could care less if the Tories ever get out of their quagmire.

What Can I do To Help Cousin?

It is tiring to listen to the prating of middle aged and old men fretting over the decline of their assorted nation states. Wether that decline is through the attrition of immigration, eroded sovereignty, leftism or the soaring costs of masturbation. It is all fantasy with no basis in reality. These mindless wankers see a changing world that has a few differences from when they were boys and suddenly “The fucking sky is falling!”

Since humanity first fell out of the tree and thought “Hey, this not so bad down here” it has wandered over to the next hill and ,true, in some cases fought with the other tossers. In other cases stopped had affairs made babies moved on or hung out with their new families. It is the very essence of how we survive as a species, grow, intermingle, develop and evolve, its fucking marvelously simple. Whether you want to believe it or not it is still happening, change is our bread and butter of survival.

As for sovereignty who gives a damn? Tradition is not law it is just habit and very often a bad habit. Read the histories of just the last five hundred years and see how bloody the world was as each cringing coward hid behind borders and sovereignty. How much more can we achieve if arm in arm we hang out with the French, The Dutch the Cambodians the Chinese and the Americans?

Open floodgates are scary for those not prepared to let levels find themselves. Yes I know that change can seem chaotic especially when your cheeseburger joint is replaced by an Indian restaurant but lets face it curry is fantastic.

Now to be all hippy, which I never really was, we all came from that small African family a few weeks back now, we are all brothers and sisters, in-laws and cousins; what can I do to help you what can you do to help me.

Otter Schnook The Noted.

There are no such things as ghosts, every paranormal experience can be explained if you are as open and willing to dig as you are to believe in something that you have no repeatable evidence for. Words of Wisdom from Otter Schnook the noted.

Things I Do Not Understand

Things I do not understand or can only guess at their attraction. Like, for example, men with flabby tits and pointy nipples born of advancing years then stretching tight T-Shirts pronouncing accumulated virility encapsulated within? I can only assume it is because they think they are morphing into women and this is their way of attracting new conquests to their cause?

Conservatism? The black and white politics that does not require thinking thus enabling such deviants to make all the wrong decisions; or socialism…the exact opposite; too much thinking with no solid results?

Camping a mystery that is only explained by the curious desire to watch the sun rise over ones morning erection?

Do campers stoop and scoop their own feces; or do they hover over an open bucket not knowing that all the wildlife are hiding behind shrub and tree tittering behind cute little Disney hands?

Sardines? A great game for pre-claustrophobic lust-poisoned teens to play; but to eat?

Save for the power of Marmite the British have not invented a recipe that is laced with flavour or imagination, why? Too busy conquering? or perfecting an accent that is so fluffy it would seem obligatory that they would invent great food? HP sauce notwithstanding. (PS Marmite is the enemy of humanity.)

These are but a few examples of what I do not understand. Perhaps, in future days, I may brighten your world with more such forays into my frail thoughts? In the meantime if you have explanations for any of the above or have things you need explaining please contact me. . .no fees will apply this is a gratuitous service offered by His Wicksness the Egregious.

Welcome To Our Hearth

You know all those stories about how Canadians can go anywhere in Europe and be greeted with love and affection by all? It is all true. I have never heard an unkind or discouraging word about Canadians.

When I first met my wife I only heard her voice. I thought great an American to mock and thats what I intended to do until I found out that she is from Canada. In the blink of an eye I liked her because she is a Canuckian.

It is true that Canadians only have to sew a maple leaf to their back packs to get recognition. It is even rumored that less favoured nations have adopted this custom when traveling abroad.

An ex boss of mine spent a couple of weeks in London England a few years back now and as prescribed he dutifully wore his maple leaf pin. So too was just about every other person he met including the very Londoner tour guide. My boss had to know why and was told that it was a symbolic gesture to honour Canadians recently killed in Afghanistan by friendly fire. My boss said he felt himself tearing up and could barely choke out his thank you.

Why am I waffling on about this? Every Canadian grows up hearing these stories…Every Canadian believes these tales and 99.9% of them are true. But guess what Canadians had to earn that reputation. They earned it by shedding their own blood in war, standing between opposing factions through endless peacekeeping strifes around the globe. They earned it by being good, honest and reliable people.

So, next time I hear a Canadian bleating pathetically about continuing that tradition by letting in Syrian refugees I will point to this mini rant.

You wanna be like Trump or Cruz move down south. You wanna slam the door on the world to feverishly masturbate over how great you think we are then bring Stephen Harper back. If not then join me, a Canadian by choice, in welcoming the needy and desperate to our hearths; it is what we are all about after all eh?

Return of the Chuff Chuff

If men are to be given full authority over an asshole (Or as we say in the real world arsehole) then perhaps they should be fitted with an automatic shut off valves? I say this because a recent sojourn in a local public washroom was interrupted  by a noxious fume emanating from trap two that would have turned Stephen Harper red.

I am not saying that men should not be allowed free access to bowel cleansing but holy buggery that kind of thing is an offense to civilization. Tears streamed from the eyes, Ski slopes lost their precious snows and Howler Monkeys from deepest Guatemala raged against the inhumanity of it all.

Join me; let us save the world from the Sphincters of Hell and rejoice in harmony once more reveling in a time when a fart was just a pretty “Chuff Chuff”.